My Virgin Ears!
by Sarah1281
Summary: What if, instead of meeting Roger, Mimi encountered Mark on Christmas Eve and tried to flirt with him? Parody of 'Light My Candle'


Disclaimer: I do not own RENT

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.

There was a knock on the door. Mark put down his camera and went to go answer it, expecting Roger. "What'd you forget?"

"Got a light?" a girl (DEFINITELY not Roger) asked him, holding out a candle and smiling at him seductively. Strangely, however, she looked vaguely familiar…

"I know you-you're half-naked!" he sang, distracted by that last part.

The girl shrugged. "I just got off work, so you see, I stopped by my room and threw on this tee. Would you light my candle?" He did. "What are you staring at?"

"I can't believe you've got a candle. It's 1989." Mark paused. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I do, I'm not stupid!" the girl snapped. "Just hoping nostalgia works like Cupid. What?"

"You're flirting just reminded me of-" Mark began but, just like Maureen, the girl cut him off.

"I always 'remind people of.' Who is she?"

"She's gay. Her name is Maureen," Mark decided not to elaborate any further.

The girl blew out the candle the minute she turned around. Strange. "It's out again. Can I meet your friend? Would you light my candle?"

"Um…" As he lit the candle, Mark decided that he wasn't quite sure he was comfortable with the girl's tone of voice when she asked about meeting Maureen. Oh, great, was she about to go hit on her, too? They hadn't even met yet!

Mimi leaned in closer and wrapped her fingers around his hand. "Yeah? Ow!"

"Oh! The wax, it's-"

"Dripping," the girl interrupted again. "I like it between me-"

Now it was Mark's turn to interrupt. "Stop! My virgin ears!" he screamed, covering them. "Now please, just leave." The girl turned to go, but then right at the door knocked again and turned around, biting her lip. "Blew it out again?" he asked, eying her candle.

She nodded. "Well, yes, but now my stash is gone."

Mark groaned. "Oh God, let's find it before Roger gets back. Thank God he's out." He paused, confused. "He's_ never_ out."

"I'm illin', I had it when I walked in the door. It was pure. Is it on the floor?" she asked, diving down to look for it.

"The floor?" Mark echoed, confused.

"They say that I have the best ass below Fourteenth Street. Is it true?" the girl asked, demonstrating.

Mark eyed her critically. "No," he said, thinking of Maureen.

"But…but…You're staring!" she protested, distressed.

Mark waved dismissively. "Oh, no, I was just thinking about-And, well, you look familiar."

"Like you're ex-girlfriend?" she asked viciously.

Mark considered. Maureen was Jewish and this girl was Hispanic. "Well, no, not really, but I'm sure I've filmed you somewhere else."

"Was it at the Cat Scratch Club?" she asked. "No, wait, they don't allow film."

"Didn't they, um, tie you up?" Mark asked awkwardly.

She nodded enthusiastically. "It's quite thrilling."

"That's what she said-Maureen, I mean-but it scares me," he confessed.

"We could light the candle. Oh won't you light the candle?" the girl asked, holding up the candle in her shaking hands.

As he lit the candle, Mark asked, shocked. "You're an addict? That's illegal-especially at sixteen."

"I'm nineteen, but I'm old for my age. You should lighten up, man," the girl said, walking to the other side of the loft.

"I once was a reckless man. I really shivered like that!" Mark said, desperate too prove that he didn't need to 'lighten up' no matter how many times he was told to do so by Roger, Maureen, Collins, hell, even Benny…

"I don't believe you," the girl said frankly.

"But I sweat, too!"

She shrugged, uninterested. "Well, good for you."

"I once had a sip of Vodka," Mark said proudly.

She looked at him for a long moment. "That just goes to show you're a-"

"Uh-huh?" Mark asked eagerly.

"Lightweight," she finished.

"Oh here it-" Mark began, picking up her stash.

"What's that?" she asked, excited.

"A film canister," Mark said, slipping it into his pocked.

"We could light the candle." Mark did. Then he took a leaf out of her book and blew it out. "Oh what'd you do with my candle?"

Mark crossed his arms. "I'm done enabling."

The girl rolled her eyes. "Dude, you're totally killing the romance," she complained, grabbing her hand.

Mark shook his head, though. "I already went through all this. When I got my roommate off of smack."

"You have a roommate?" she asked, perking up.

"Yes, why?" he asked wearily.

"No reason. So, is he cute? Introduce us?" she pleaded.

"Like hell."

"You two have a thing?" she asked curiously.

"I'm not gay!" Mark insisted.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they all say…" the girl said, taking back her stash, and left, winking at a bewildered Roger as he headed up the stairs.

Review please!


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